by Mauve Maude
October 9, 2020
“Act like adults.”
How many times have you heard somebody plead this in utter frustration with others arguing about politics? How many times have you said it yourself? It seems obvious that grown people should be able to resolve differences without bickering or all-out fighting. You manage, at least most of the time, right? Other people manage, like these ladies. Why can’t people just realize it, get control of themselves, and handle disputes with maturity, be civil? It’s just politics; it doesn’t mean we can’t get along. Does it?
Well, some people, like the neighbors in the article referenced above, do manage to get along despite their differences. It can be done! Love and connection in our relationships only increase our chances. But how many consider the cost of getting along, when one person has privilege over another?
“Privilege?” you say. “How is there privilege? Those ladies live in the same neighborhood.”
They do indeed. They’re about the same age, they apparently enjoy similar incomes, they’re parents. They’re both living the American dream. Does it matter that one’s a white Republican and the other’s a Black Democrat?
How many consider the cost of getting along, when one person has privilege over another?
It might, and it probably does. Everybody’s experience is different, unique, and of the utmost importance to how they go about their lives. But privilege doesn’t refer to how much money you have or even how hard you worked to get it. It refers to social advantages a person has that they did nothing for, like lighter skin, parents with wealth, parents with education, an able body, being male, heterosexuality, or a cisgender. Though we do all choose how we respond to our differing skin colors, our parents’ fortunes, our abilities, our sex, our sexuality, and our gender, we don’t choose the conditions themselves. And being a part of whichever dominant group doesn’t hurt anybody or hold them back from doing what they want to do, and living the way they want to live. It may prove to be a challenge at some point, for example, when that privilege is called out. But it doesn’t become an obstacle. Being a part of the minority group can. Privilege is just not having to consider those obstacles.
That doesn’t mean that people without privilege are necessarily or inherently stronger, or better people than those who have it. It’s just a matter of conditions being what they are. Two sprinters may have the same strengths, or different ones. But if their starting blocks are in different places–one behind the line, and one ahead–a disadvantage is created, artificially. The one starting behind the line will have to give considerable effort and energy, maybe more, to win.
So it’s not only more likely that a Black woman Democrat who gets along with her conservative white neighbor, has overcome some race-specific obstacles to get where they both are. It’s also more likely that the victory of getting along takes a bit more effort and energy on her part, regardless of the connection these two women have. When privilege is then ignored while getting along is expected, a skewed power dynamic exists, no matter how much anybody likes it. That needs to be acknowledged when our frustrations with people’s political disputes become an issue in our lives. Because when it goes beyond simply getting along with our neighbors, what’s merely a political view in the minds of some, can be an existential view for others.
Almost anybody would argue that getting along is a healthier state of being, for families, for neighbors, and for societies.
In this particular election year, that off-kilter dynamic is manifesting just about everywhere. In most places, in this country, it always has. Some would like for those dynamics to change. Some would like for them to stay the same. The good thing about it is: we have the opportunity to even it out. And probably more people than we realize want just that. It’s just a question of who’s willing to take on more of the cost than they have.
Should we try to get along? I think almost anybody would argue that getting along is a healthier state of being, for families, for neighbors, and for societies. This writer certainly would. I think anybody would agree that adults should behave like adults. And most adults have learned that examining an issue from another person’s point of view goes a great distance. But before anything else, for adults to be able to get beyond their differences, they must first acknowledge that those differences exist.
What do you think? I would like to hear from you, but you won’t find the typical Comments section here. If you have given the issue some thought or have an experience to share, please enter it here, or send your response to Maude@mauvereport.com. I would like to share viewpoints from all sides.